I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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