Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
