we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
