the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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