I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
