i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
