I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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