I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
