True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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