4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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