Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
