zippers are such a cool invention
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
