Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
