So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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