oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
