yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
what day is it and did you see me today?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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