How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
