Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
