he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
