guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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