ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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