U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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