the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
