you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
