It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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