dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You're like the curious george of whores
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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