...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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