Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
