Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
