i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
