remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
