I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
