Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
