Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
