who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
40s are totally the cure
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My ass is underappreciated
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
