I didn't shave. On purpose
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
