Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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