sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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