I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just high enough for therapy.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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