I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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