I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
