I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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