my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i think im in europe. pls send help
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
