im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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