I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
