You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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