Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
