ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
