he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
