I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
