I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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