It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
