I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
